My birth mother was only 16 when I was born. She gave me up for adoption and then took me back. She gave me up again when I was 8 months old and I was adopted by a loving Christian family. My mum raised my sister and I to attend church. My father didn’t go unless it was Christmas or Easter.
I enjoyed the church choir, missions and church camp; but I was just going through the motions.
I would be all for Jesus on Sundays and live every other day of the week the way I wanted.
At 14 I started dating guys behind my parents back. My first boyfriend was emotionally and verbally abusive; we dated for three years. My second boyfriend was physically abusive. By this time I started giving up on the whole religion thing.
When I began college I completely stopped going to church. I looked for ways to fill the void in my heart. I tried drugs and alcohol and jumped from one relationship to another. One night I went to a party where I was drugged and became the victim of a serious personal attack. When I confided this to a friend I was not believed. Afterwards I slipped into a deep depression.
My roommate would invite me to church and tried to fix me the only way she knew how. I decided I needed to change the way I was doing things; I tried to change myself. I transferred to another college and everything was going okay for a couple of months but then I found my way into trouble again and was suspended from this new college. That’s when I realised I couldn’t do it alone. I needed help.
I cried out to God and He changed me! However, after all I did, I kept thinking that I wasn’t good enough, ‘I’m not worthy enough for God’. I just kept thinking – ‘I don’t deserve Him’.
Finally, in 2013, I realized the truth. Yes, I am far from worthy and I am definitely not good enough. However, that is the truth in God’s grace. We were dead because of our sins and it is only by God’s grace that I am saved! God saved me by His grace when I believed. I can’t earn it because it is a gift from God. He loves me just as I am despite the sins of the past. Because He is rich in grace and mercy I am forgiven!